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Two Weeks
I had no idea when I got into that car to go to New York that I was going to be quitting. I got on the ramp and I was like two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Crank some tunes. Should've peed before I left. Michael, get to the good part! Okay, so, get up to the building, revolving door... broken! Oooh. So I have to take the normal door. Oh my God! At least he's in the building. No, no! I was so nervous, it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building! [Talking head] He finally has a story we really want to hear... and he knows it. [/Talking head] Okay, focus, focus. You're in the right building, you're with the right people- what happened? I looked at Wallace and I said "I quit!" and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said, "You have no idea how high I can fly." Did you tell him how sick of him you were? Why would I do that? Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he's incompetent, or-? That he's wasted 15 years of your life? Maybe spit in his face? You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.
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Two Weeks
I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday, heh. But I dream... so...
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Oscar
00:14
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Two Weeks
About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-weeks notice, and surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Jim
00:10
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Two Weeks
Michael, is that scotch? Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch.
Kevin, Michael
00:06
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Two Weeks
What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm gonna stay up all day. I'm gonna sleep up all night. I'm gonna give it a HO-OH! HEY! HO-OH! And I'm gonna stop worrying about calories.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Michael
00:18
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Two Weeks
Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs? I have a job. For four more days. Do you have any leads on a job? Pam, what you don't understand- at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted. Have you called any headhunters? Any good headhunter knows that I am available. Any really good headhunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife. Right, 'cause that's what we are talking about.
Stanley, Michael, Andy, Pam, Jim, Dwight
00:25
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Two Weeks
Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data. Your 'I need you to' is my command. Okay.
Charles Miner, Michael
00:06
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Two Weeks
For regional manager, I've decided to go with an outside hire... For obvious reasons.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Charles Miner
00:05
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Two Weeks
Pam? Mm-hmm? When will the new copier be ready? I'm working on it, Kev. You said it would be ready by today. And it is today. It'll be ready soon. Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks! Is that what 'soon' means to you? Sometimes. Then come back soon.
Kevin, Pam
00:19
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Two Weeks
During the course of business, a copier goes though something called 'normal wear and tear.' I think it's 75 cents. That's a lot. Bandit, no! No no no! Yesterday, they delivered the new one... But they didn't set it up. So, my day just got a little more interesting.
Pam, Creed, Oscar, Angela
00:20
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Two Weeks
It's Mon-ster dot com. Singular. Thank you!
Jim, Michael
00:07
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Two Weeks
Okay, alright, close your eyes. I'd prefer not to. Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company. You're starting your own paper company!? Yeah! Why? Can you believe- cause I know paper! I know everything there is to know about paper. Do you know that the industry is in decline? Yeah! Oh God, I practically invented decline. Right. Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes. No, I did that before, it added nothing. Just close them. Okay. Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this? I am not gonna do this. Oh, obviously. And you are not going to, either. Oh, agreed, mmm, except- Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A: exists, and B: has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing. Hey hey... what's up Chuck? Jim. Hey. What are you doing? Nothing, just talking. Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week no-? I didn't... no. Okay.
Michael, Jim, Charles Miner
01:10
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Two Weeks
Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you? No, I'm sure they're pretty much the same as the English instructions. Pshh! Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. That's a really- World War II. Well fine, do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do? Deutsch... let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus. Hmm...
Dwight, Pam
00:33
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Two Weeks
My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Dwight
00:04
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Two Weeks
Pam, listen. This order form-- Instead of saying "Dunder Mifflin" at the top, is there any way I could get it to say something else? Like Michael Scott Paper Company? You... oh. Somebody's been talking in bed. Pillow talk. Hmm... yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? Mm-hm. 'Cause it's a pretty big risk. This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now. Yeah... you could give it up though, right? And almost no one would know. Before you got here, I'm the one who landed all of these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I'm on it, don't worry. So, how do I do that? Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image- Can't I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape? Yeah. Good. Oh, thank you very much. Mmm-hmm
Michael, Pam
01:01
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Two Weeks
So that is why I have to leave at 5: 00 on Tuesdays, it's to pick up my little sisters from school. We're really tight. We're like the Kardashians.
Kelly
00:07
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Two Weeks
I am aware of the effect I have on women.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Charles Miner
00:02
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Two Weeks
Your own paper company? Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. Wow. It's just a, it's a nugget of an idea right now, so... Right... Potential, lots of potential. Yes. What a courageous venture. It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um... Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities, so... it's so crucial... That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing. Okay. So think about it. So yeah. Lets put a pin in it for now. You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
Dwight, Michael
00:31
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Two Weeks
Everyone, can I have your attention? This is the moment you've all been waiting for. Right? [drum roll on copier] Little Miss Thing wants attention! Meredith... Oh... uh... G-44. It's not ready Kevin!
Pam, Meredith
00:27
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Two Weeks
I'm at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Pam
00:07
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Two Weeks
You put a note in my food? I made it sterile! Just saying it's sterile doesn't make it so. I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me! Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials? No, no, no! You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit 'til at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least five years. Can you go five years without a salary, Michael? Okay. Five years? Hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me. It's just not prudent Michael.
Oscar, Michael
00:33
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Two Weeks
Stanley? Can't you see I'm urinating? Listen, listen, Stanley, you don't have to answer me now. No. Just- I want you to think about it, I am starting my own company. No. O-kay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars. No I didn't.
Michael, Stanley
00:15
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Two Weeks
You know what? I had a great time at prom, and no one said 'Yes' to that either.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Michael
00:06
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Two Weeks
I did it! I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels...
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Pam
00:17
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Two Weeks
Hey Hank, you ready? Yeah. Okay... Michael? Hmm? I can't pretend I haven't seen that, so I am going to ask you to stand up, walk out, and you can't take anything. Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks... Not if you're starting a competing paper company, Michael. Hank... Okay Michael. Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building. Come on man, let's- let's go.
Charles Miner, Hank, Michael
00:34
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Two Weeks
I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there...
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Kevin
00:13
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Two Weeks
And just like that... As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Oscar
00:05
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Two Weeks
The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day. Andy, he's gone. I know. You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
Andy, Phyllis
00:13
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Two Weeks
Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
Quote Tags: Talking Head
Toby
00:10
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Two Weeks
This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now, because you went with Michael Scott. Right? So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you- are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be?
Michael
00:26
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