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Wow, thanks Michael, I didn't expect- Can I just say that of all the idiots in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend. Hello! Hi! Hi, good to see you. I'm just having a little exit interview. Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here. Um, no no no, this is very boring stuff, why don't you take a tour. Have you seen the baler? N-no, no, I uh, I'll look at it later. This is part of my job. Okay. Did you need me to take notes? Hey Pam, stay. Okay. Um, alright, well then, I will proceed. I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um, who do you think you are? I'm Toby. Yeah. Correct. Um, what gives- what- what gives you the right? Um, I- I brought the binder, do you wanna take a little look? Sure. You know what, that sounds good, I'll take a little look-see. Thank you. What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin? Well at this point, um... N-n-n-no- I've got some ideas, I guess. No, no, no, I'm not asking it, I'm just reading it out loud. Oh, I'd like to hear the answer. Well, let me see, I would um... I'll kill you. I guess everything's okay. [Talking Head]I made it this far, right? What's the point? [/Talking Head] Toby, why don't you open your present? Nnnno no no no no. No, this- hey hey hey hey this might not be what I think- that I don't even know is in there because there are a lot of presents in my car and I don't know which is which. Suck on this. What the hell is that?? Michael! That's- what do you mean Michael? That's not even my handwriting! Hey! What the hell is going on here? Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going away gift?? You did. No! You made me wrap it! I thought it was over the line. I just- okay, you know what that is? You know what that is? That is... a psych. Psych. So, that is not my real gift to Toby. So what is your gift? My gift is forthcoming, Pam. What is it? I am going to give Toby... Your watch? Yes... I am. That was it! How did you know that? I just knew. How did you know? Oh, that is so sweet! Well, that's my watch. Thanks, I'm going to set it to Costa Rica time.
Quote Tags: Request, Talking Head
|  | Toby, Michael, Holly, Pam, Dwight |  | 03:34 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone |  |
| [Dave Matthews Band Crash Into Me plays in the background] Mmmmm, Jim! I am downloading some N3P - That's not it. - music - Yup. - for a CD mix tape - Close. - for Holly - Mm-hmm. - and I am looking for perfect songs that work on two levels. What are the two levels? The two levels being, uh, welcome to Scranton - Mm-hm. - and I love you. I'll have to think. Let's start with the I love you level. Hey, what's the group that was from Scranton that made it big? Was that U2? Yes. You don't love Holly. I think I do. But you just met her. Well, it was love at first sight. Actually, it was, no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears. Oh, okay, it doesn't work like that. Well, you're not a romantic. Actually, I think I am, and I have a little bit of experience in office romance. Oh really? Yeah. Like, with who? We've been through this. Pam? Yes! We are still dating! And guess what? I took it slow. Yeah, you took it too slow. Well, we're really happy. This thing with Holly feels a lot like love to me. And that's really sweet, and you can think that, but you don't say that out loud, and you definitely don't say it to her. I don't want her to get away! I know. Here, Michael, you can court her as you get to know her, you know? I mean, the office is a great place for that. Pam and I? We got to know each other right out there. I mean, the first time we joked around was at my desk. And the first meal we ever had was in the break room, actually. We were at two separate tables, and I remember that. First time we kissed even was right outside. And, look, all I'm saying is that you can get to know someone really really well like I did, right here at work.
| | | Michael, Jim | | 02:02 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Wow! I can't believe it! Look at you! Are you nauseous? Nope. Do you- do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecia, my Accutane, did you? Uh, no. I didn't- Good, good, thank God. -do that. Cause that's- wow, I am so happy! I am so deliriously happy. Why? Because you're pregnant, and because it obviously happened while we were together, and I am very proud- Yeah, it did happen when we were together, that's true... but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad. You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?! No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. Okay, so it's not mine, and it's not somebody else's, so I know the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so-? I went to a sperm bank. You did? Uh-huh. When we were going out? Uh, yeah. I don't understand. You always used to be very cautious, wear two condoms, you'd rather have somebody else's sperm than my sperm? No, no, no, it's not just any sperm bank, I mean it's really- this is a really really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm going to bring you the catalog. You should look through it, it's- and in fact it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables. IHOP. IHOP...
| | | Michael, Jan | | 01:50 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| [Dwight's cell phone rings] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. Hello? Hello, this is Dwight. Hello?! Hello?! Yes! We do have that, hold on one second. Jim, what are you doing? And how many would you like? Uh, uh hang that up right now. Absolutely. I can get that out to you immediately. This man is an imposter! Do not do business with him, this is not Dwight Schrute! [Talking Head] Dwight left his cell phone on his desk, so naturally I paired it to my headset. [/Talking Head] [Dwight's cell phone rings again] Okay fine, I'll just let it go to voicemail. Hello, this is Dwight. Hey, is this Dwight? Yes it is. Oh my goodness, you sound sexy. Oh, thank you, I've been working out. Have you? Whoa whoa whoa, Pam! Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now, you are talking to Jim! Dwight? No! Pam, I'm over here! I'm confused. Disconnect that right now! You give me your earpiece. Can't do that. Unsanitary. Aaaaah. Okay, you know what? Fine. I will reprogram my phone to go to my office phone. Done. [Jim's desk phone rings] This is Dwight. [Talking Head] Oh, and I forwarded his desk phone to mine. [/Talking Head] Oh, hello Mot'er. Good news! I've married. Tell Fat'er. Such a nice woman. [Dwight's cell phone rings again] AAAHH!!
| | | Dwight, Jim, Pam | | 01:30 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Can I have your attention please? I was waiting for the right time to do this, and I can't think of a better time than right now. With the music playing and all our friends around, and fireworks going off... my parents are here! Andrew and Ellen Bernard, thank you for sharing in this joyous moment. Ms Angela Martin, will you please join me on stage? Okay, then I will come to you, my flower. Dammit! Angela, will you do me the honor of giving me your tiny hand in marriage? Okay. Into the mic, sweetie. I said okay. She said yes!! And the crowd goes wild!! Woo!
| | | Andy, Darryl, Angela | | 01:10 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| First thing on the agenda, actually the only thing on the agenda, is the status of Toby's going away party. We have a buttercream cake and a slideshow of Toby. Okay. But so far we only have two pictures of him. Okay, well this will not do. Toby is going away forever, and uh, we need to do something very very special. In some cultures when somebody leaves, like New Orleans culture, they have a parade, and they have a band, and people party in the streets. Do you mean leaves as in dies? You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans funeral? If the devil were to explode, and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have? Michael... Like a beach blowout, or a toga-toga- No! Toga! You always do this! We have a nice, modest party planned and then you come in and demand the world. Let me be clear: there is simply no money for anything other than a cake and to develop a few more slides, although Toby won't be in them. I thought that you might say that.
| | | Michael, Angela, Pam | | 01:02 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Got it? Almost. Here we go! Here we go! Put him in! That's my car! Hey! What are you doing? Mose! What the hell is going on here? N-nothing you need to know the details of- There is a raccoon in the car! No, there's not. Uh, Dwight, why did you do that? It was playful hazing. No, there is no such thing as playful hazing. Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now. Everybody, I want you to look at Holly right now! And maybe if you look at her deeply enough, you will see what I see in her. And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here. Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II! Fifty years! She is the best!Take care of that, alright? It's not rabid. Shhh!
| | | Dwight, Meredith, Holly, Michael | | 01:00 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Yeah? Hey Michael. Oh hey, do you still work here? I'd like to introduce you to my replacement. Nah. Come on now. I think I will pass. Michael Scott, this is Holly. Hi. Hi, yeah right, okay. Well they hired a female Toby. Good for the world. Thank you God for creating two of you. Here's how things work here: my job is to make the office fun, your job is to make the office lame, and we have an eternal struggle, you and I, and only one of us can be the winner. Spoiler alert: I'm gonna win. Man, someone doesn't like HR! Yeah. What did you do to him? Nothing. No, he tortured me with his awfulness. Yeah, I know what you mean. I nearly fell asleep when he gave me a tour of the files. Um, well, look I'll let you get back to work, but I- I really look forward to working with you, Mr Scott. M-M-Michael.
| | | Michael, Toby, Holly | | 01:00 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| It was early morning yesterday, I was up before the dawn. And I really have enjoyed my stay, Toby must be moving on. Goodbye Toby, it's been nice, hope you find your paradise! Come tomorrow, feel no pain, feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Toby! Toby's going away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toooooooby!
Quote Tags: Singing, Request
| | | Michael | | 00:57 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Ugh, Toby's replacement. Wow. So what do we know about her? Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already. I hate her too. Why do you hate her? Because she ... stinks. With her ways and her.. head. You know Dwight, sometimes I don't know, I think you say things just to agree with me. Would that be such a bad thing? Yeah, it would! Just have a thought, have an original thought. Although I will agree that her head is weird. You know what we need to do? What? We need to sell her an elevator pass. But our- our elevator doesn't require a p- *gasp*. Exactly. Little old fashioned hazing.
| | | Michael, Dwight | | 00:54 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Hey! Hey. What? Guess who just got into the Pratt School of Design? No way! What did I say? I said that they'd love those sketches! Congratulations! Oh, thank you! I don't know why I doubted it because I'm so clearly awesome! Yes! So when do you start? I don't know, I didn't read it carefully, I just saw congratulations, and I skimmed the list, I saw my name, I came in here to tell you and get a snack. Wow. Busy morning. So, you know it means I have to go to New York for three months. It's not a big deal! I'll come visit you! And you'll visit me. It's only two hours away, it'll be fine. That part's going to suck, but it'll be great. Yeah, it sucks but it'll be great. See how easy that is? Ooohhh...!
Quote Tags: JAM, Request
| | | Pam, Jim | | 00:52 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Not bad! Oh, hey! Thanks. Someday I would love to hear Beers in Heaven. Oh, okay, yeah. Well, actually, too soon. It's uh, it's uh, very sexual. [Michael's cell phone rings] Sorry. Kevin where are you? You missed my song, buddy. Yeah, Michael, I'm at Gerrity's, you have to come down here. Just pay for it and we'll reimburse you when you get back. No, I- I brought my money, Michael, there's something that you need to see. What is it? Just hurry. Is he okay? Yeah, he's at the supermarket and he needs me. You know the party, driving to the supermarket, it's a big day for him! Yeah. That's true. Don't move a muscle, I will be back momentarily, alright? Oh, your drink. Finish your drink then, okay, I'll be back. Okay!
| | | Holly, Michael, Kevin | | 00:51 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Hey there. Hey. So, you missed something really big. Yeah? Yeah. Andy proposed to one of your accountants. Oh, wow. I mean, that's as specific as I can be on my first day. Well I can see Andy proposing to Angela. I can also see him proposing to Oscar. So... you know somehow after all those ribs I'm still really hungry. Um, I was thinking of maybe going off campus somewhere and getting some dessert. Oh, um, well you know what? You should go to the Glider Diner. Ask Stanley about that, he practically lives there. Okay. I'll go to the Diner with you. Oh that would be great. We can go eat pie! I love pie. Me too. Okay. Have a good night. Okay. 'Night.
| | | Holly, Michael, Kevin | | 00:50 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Hey Kevin. Hi. Do you need some help? I can't decide what to get. Well, what do you like to eat? Well I like pretzels... but I really like chips. Hmm. Well, how much money do you have there? Okay, let's see... fifty... oh, this is a button... fifty five... sixty five... okay you have seventy five cents, so that means you could get anything up in the top row. Hmmm...
| | | Holly, Kevin | | 00:44 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| There she is... Holly. You know, if we hung Holly from the ceiling, we'd have to kiss underneath of her. So, I know... oh, sorry. Question: are you real, or are you a Holly-gram? Oh-ho-ho... nice, I've never heard that one before, actually. That's good. Are these guys tearing your ears off? Uh, no, no I- Oh. What um, what is your commute like? How long does it take to get in? Oh, uh- You know, I should make you a mix. Do you have a CD player? Um, y-yeah. Okay. Alright. Thanks. Yup. Great.
| | | Michael, Holly | | 00:42 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| The pleasure's all mine. Thanks. I'm really looking forward to sitting down with you and finding out more about what you do here. Anytime. What do you do here? 'Scuse me. [Talking Head] What is wrong with this woman? She's asking about stuff that's nobody's business! What do I do? Really, what do I do here? I should have written it down. Qua- something. Quaaa, quarrrr, quaibo, quau, quar, quabbity! Quabbity Assuance! No, no, no, no, no, but I'm getting close. [/Talking Head]
Quote Tags: Request, Talking Head
| | | Creed, Holly | | 00:39 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Do you like it? It's a photo of everyone in the office! So you can take it to Costa Rica. But you're not in it. Well, I was taking the picture. I love it. I love it. I would love a picture of the two of us to also take to Costa Rica. Sure, do you have a camera here? Uh... does anyone have a camera here?! No one has a camera here, um.. Okay. I'm gonna- I'll go get one.
| | | Pam, Toby | | 00:36 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| I want a party that makes me feel like I am flying through the air without this ugly weight holding me down, you know? I want an anti-gravity machine. I saw it in a movie. You drink a potion and then you just start floating all around. So, how much anti-gravity potion do you want? No! No, you know what? This is not a party planning committee anymore. And I don't want your foot money, and I feel uncomfortable participating. Phyllis, can you do this? Yes.
| | | Michael, Pam, Angela, Phyllis | | 00:35 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| I did it! What'd you do? I talked to her, Holly. It was just pleasantries, nothing, you know, not like do you want kids or religion, which side of the bed do you want... Hey, I can take either side of the bed at this point. Wow, okay so how'd that feel? It was hard! I wanted to kiss her! Oh, I'm so glad you didn't! Shew. Laying a base, laying a base. There you go! There's plenty of base-laying left, alright? Yeah....
| | | Michael, Jim | | 00:34 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Accounting Department, listen up. Holly, human resources. Angela, Oscar and Kevin. Hello, hello. Hi. Hi. What do you do? I do the numbers. Oh, good for you! Do you want a M&M? Oh, no, that is so sweet, thank you though. Yeah. I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them. Well that is a very safe place for them. Yeah.
| | | Dwight, Holly, Kevin | | 00:32 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Come tomorrow, feel no pain... Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Toby! Toby's going away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Oh!! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toooooby!
Quote Tags: Singing
| | | Michael | | 00:32 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| [Dave Matthews Band Crash Into Me playing in the background] Hmmmmm... Jim! I am downloading some N3P -That's not it- music -Yep- for a CD mix tape -Close- for Holly -Mmhm- and I am looking for perfect songs that work on two levels. What are the two levels? The two levels being, uh, welcome to Scranton - Mmhm- and I love you.
Quote Tags: Request
| | | Michael, Jim | | 00:31 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Hello, Holly. Whoa, what are you doing? You don't, uh, you don't have to do that, I mean we have already put-together chairs. That's how we buy them, actually. Oh, I'm trying to adjust the lumbar support on Toby's chair, and that made this up-down lever thing not work, and then I took the whole chair apart, and that is the story of me on the floor. It's pretty good, right? I'm going to sell the movie rights. And the sequel, Woman Stands at Desk and Works.
| | | Michael, Holly | | 00:31 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Every year my sweet, sweet grandmother sends me a check on my birthday for fifty dollars, and lately she has been sending me like nine or ten checks a year, uh, as Nana starts to... but, I knew I should be saving it for something, I just didn't know what I should be saving it for. And then I had an awakening. Michael, buy a motorcycle. So I put the money in my shoe, and I forgot about it until now.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
| | | Michael | | 00:31 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| I was thinking... fireworks at the party. What do you think? Oh boy. I appreciate your help, but I can't-- Oh no, no, no, no, I just meant that I wanted to pay to have fireworks at the party. Why would you do that? Because I am going to miss Toby! Yep, he's a heck of a guy, and I think we should send him off right. It doesn't matter. Here you go. Really?? Well, we all want a good party, right?
| | | Jim, Phyllis | | 00:30 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| So, I have no idea how you sit like that. Yoga. [Michael in Yoda voice] Sit on floor and put together chair, we will. [/Yoda voice] Yo-DA. Um... [Holly in Yoda voice] Pass curvy metal piece, you will? [/Yoda voice].
| | | Michael, Holly | | 00:27 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| So are you in town this weekend? 'Cause I'm not- I'm not. I'm not going to be in town, um, going out of town. Oh, so you can't make my orgy? Kidding!! Oh, kidding... Acting! Acting!! Acting!!! Lovitz. Yeah.
| | | Michael, Holly | | 00:27 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Well, this is what happened, uh, Ryan's big project was the website, which wasn't doing so well, so Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice: once as office sales and once as website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
| | | Oscar | | 00:25 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Thanks to Toby, I have a very strong prejudice against human resources. I believe that the department is a breeding ground for monsters. What I failed to consider though, is that not all monsters are bad. Like ET. Is Holly our extraterrestrial? Maybe. Or maybe she's just an awesome woman from this planet.
Quote Tags: Talking Head
| | | Michael | | 00:25 | The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone | |
| Hi, Jan, it's Michael. I just um, I just wanted to let you know that I am going to go to your Lamaze class tomorrow. Um, and if there's any details you need to fill me in on, like what exactly Lamaze is, that would be great. And I will see you tomorrow morning.
| | | Michael | | 00:23 |
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