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Two Weeks

Michael, is that scotch? Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch.
	Kevin, Michael		00:06	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data. Your 'I need you to' is my command. Okay.
	Charles Miner, Michael		00:06	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

For regional manager, I've decided to go with an outside hire... For obvious reasons. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Charles Miner		00:05	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

Okay, alright, close your eyes. I'd prefer not to. Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company. You're starting your own paper company!? Yeah! Why? Can you believe- cause I know paper! I know everything there is to know about paper. Do you know that the industry is in decline? Yeah! Oh God, I practically invented decline. Right. Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes. No, I did that before, it added nothing. Just close them. Okay. Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this? I am not gonna do this. Oh, obviously. And you are not going to, either. Oh, agreed, mmm, except- Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A: exists, and B: has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing. Hey hey... what's up Chuck? Jim. Hey. What are you doing? Nothing, just talking. Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week no-? I didn't... no. Okay.
	Michael, Jim, Charles Miner		01:10	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Dwight		00:04	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

So that is why I have to leave at 5: 00 on Tuesdays, it's to pick up my little sisters from school. We're really tight. We're like the Kardashians.
	Kelly		00:07	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

I am aware of the effect I have on women. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Charles Miner		00:02	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

Your own paper company? Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. Wow. It's just a, it's a nugget of an idea right now, so... Right... Potential, lots of potential. Yes. What a courageous venture. It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um... Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities, so... it's so crucial... That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing. Okay. So think about it. So yeah. Lets put a pin in it for now. You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
	Dwight, Michael		00:31	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

You put a note in my food? I made it sterile! Just saying it's sterile doesn't make it so. I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me! Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials? No, no, no! You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit 'til at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least five years. Can you go five years without a salary, Michael? Okay. Five years? Hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me. It's just not prudent Michael.
	Oscar, Michael		00:33	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

Stanley? Can't you see I'm urinating? Listen, listen, Stanley, you don't have to answer me now. No. Just- I want you to think about it, I am starting my own company. No. O-kay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars. No I didn't.
	Michael, Stanley		00:15	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Two Weeks

You know what? I had a great time at prom, and no one said 'Yes' to that either. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Michael		00:06	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

I met this guy at corporate last week, and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So, who knows? I do. It's gonna be men'al! It's going to be mental. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Michael		00:25	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

My god, he's like a black George Clooney. Really? I don't see it. I mean, he's ok, he's not unattractive, he's. . .
	Kelly, Angela		00:09	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

Allright, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department. Hey, I come from accounting, too. Oh, nerd alert! Ni- This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino, and he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever, and I am very proud of him for that. Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you. This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. The one over there, in the orange... Hey-o! There you go! Where's the other? You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history. Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history. Hey!
	Michael, Charles Miner, Kevin, Andy		00:52	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have... Thrilled. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Michael		00:10	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed. What gave you that idea? It was my understanding. I see. Listen, why- why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability. Look, Michael, Charles is very qualified. Get to know him. I really think the two of you are going to make a great team. But the branch is still mine? You're still the branch manager, yes, and if you need anything else at all, just let Charles know. Ask him about the party. Oh, right. David, are you coming to my fifteenth anniversary party? I'll give it my best shot, Michael. No, no, no, the other thing. Oh, okay. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? He hung up? No.
	Michael, David, Dwight		00:51	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better, and I agree. So, what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before. No. Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here? Saticoy Steel. Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names. No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.
	Michael, Charles Miner		00:33	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

Michael Scott calling for David... Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible. Thanks.
	Michael		00:07	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

You say no more parties, and then you spend all of this money on lunch, I think it's a little hypercritical. I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning.
	Michael, Charles Miner		00:12	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

You pet the animals, they pet you back. Quote Tags: Request
	Jim		00:02	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

What is a two-way petting zoo? You pet the animals, they pet you back.
	Charles Miner, Jim		00:06	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

Ok, Michael, I'm dissolving this committee. What? Yeah, I mean, come on. This is a work place. It isn't designed for your vanity. Newsflash: I've been here for fifteen years. Headline: You have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my fifteenth anniversary party. End of story. End of story. End of story! I don't care if I have hurt your feelings or you do not agree with my methods, but it is over. Okay, no, no, no, no. No. You know what? I'm going to New York! And I am going to talk to David Wallace. I'm going to tell him everything. And I'm sorry to say, you're screwed. And, you know what? You are gonna be through. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do that to you. Alright. Do you even know how paper is made? It's not like steel. You don't put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You'd ruin it!
	Charles Miner, Michael		00:56	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

Come in. Hey. Hey. Alright, Charles, I've gotta be honest. I think we really got off on the wrong foot here. And, truth be told, I'm a pretty smart guy, and, a hard-worker. And I'm a great number two for the office. Number two? Second-in-command to Michael. Oh, I- I didn't know that position existed. Oh, that's because at first it was a made up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better, assistant to the regional manager. But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me. So you're the assistant to the regional manager? Assistant regional manager, yeah. Any responsibilities come with it? Not- not exactly. Do you want to keep this made up position? It's important to you? Alright, I will, um, just- I'm just gonna let you get back to that. Yeah, would you, uh... Yep. Thanks.
	Charles Miner, Jim		00:52	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

Fifteen years I have been here! And I have sacrificed a lot. Yes. I've put having a family on hold. We didn't ask you to do that. And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington.
	Michael, David		00:16	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear. Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Jim		00:04	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

I could see our kids facing obstacles being half-Black and half-Indian, but it's so worth it, you guys. There's just me here. I am going to get him to buy me a prime rib tonight. I think he left. What?! Move! Hello, Charles? Charles! Hey! Is that his scarf? No!
	Kelly, Phyllis, Angela		00:26	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship, okay? Quote Tags: Talking Head
	Angela		00:10	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

I don't understand that after fifteen years of service here, I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you. That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem fair, and I think... that I've earned more than that. Yeah. You're right. Yes. I get it. I get it, Michael. Okay. Here's what I'm going to do- Okay. We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, you have your figs. I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that? I quit! What? Michael? You have no idea how high I can fly.
	Michael, David		00:56	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

New Boss

You have no idea how high I can fly. Quote Tags: Request
	Michael		00:02	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone

Golden Ticket

I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profilligate great ideas, and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine.
	Michael		00:17	The Office Sound Clip The Office Audio Clip The Office MP3 Clip The Office Sound Byte The Office Sound Bite The Office Ringtone
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